Many of my friends tell me that they are “unable” to sleep past a certain time in the morning. That time is usually something ridiculous, like 7 a.m., and probably the hallmark of a person with a standard sleep schedule – i.e., not me.
I’m sorry, what? is my response to these friends. I don’t understand. If I don’t set an alarm – if you let me keep sleeping – I will keep sleeping. It’s that simple.
I’ve waxed rhapsodic about the benefits of waking up early, which I still hold to be true. When I do make it up before the rest of the world, watching the sunbeams creep up over a blue-shadowed mountain, running around in the quiet dark of my neighborhood, sipping coffee and shivering from the shock of crawling out of a warm sleeping bag – I am happy.
Well, I may not always be happy in the moment, especially if I’m cold. But I’m often content, and pleased with myself for starting the day early.
On other days, though, when I’m groggy and scrambling to throw last-minute things into my bag, my only motivation to not miss my early flight, waking up early is much harder.
And when there’s no motivation at all, here are the steps I recommend taking to drag your limp body out of the comfort of your bed.
1. HIT SNOOZE ONCE
Only once? What are you, some kind of superhero? Already off to a great start. Way to go, you warrior.
2. FALL BACK ASLEEP
Well, you tried. Try again in 7 minutes.
3. POUND THE ALARM
Wake up significantly more groggy and irritable than you were 7 minutes ago. Accidentally turn your alarm off instead of hitting Snooze again. Success!
4. CHECK INSTAGRAM
It is extremely important that you find out what happened on your feed while you were asleep between the hours of 12 a.m. and 6:30. Otherwise, who knows what could happen??? Only bad things. Staring at a bright screen first thing in the morning is also an effective way to remind your brain of what it’s like to be awake.
5. ROLL OUT OF BED
Somehow, your feet catch you and you’re suddenly standing. How did this happen? This feels terrible.
6. CRY
This is a necessary step. Just get it over with. Shh, it will all be over soon.
7. MAKE COFFEE/TEA/THE BLOOD OF YOUR ENEMIES
Whatever gets you going in the morning.
8. GO OUTSIDE
Doesn’t matter if you’re still in your cat pajamas, you need to get away from your bed as fast as possible. Just buy a new outfit on the way to the gym work (we both know you’re not going to the gym.)
Congrats! You’re awake! Time to take on the day. And maybe fit a nap in later.